15Back again in the 2010, oh wait ‘11 :-)
Oh geez as many distracted, careless 20-somethings I’ve been inconsistent & inconsiderate with my postings (or lack there of) Not due to lack of inspiration rather an overstimulation! So I return in the 20-11 refreshed and renewed with ample stories to share.
Topics of the Month:
- Recycling! Is it okay to time and time again to return to familiar loins?
- Attempted Facebook Reconnections! The one that got away is now 1 poke away from knowing you’ve never forgotten and is it too late to explore that once shared connection?
So I must admit, I am a chronic recycler. It’s (presumed to be) safe, it is definitely familiar and comfortable. So what if half the time your on the pre-bone date you’re still looking for other prospects? Hey maybe I also suffer from another affliction: chronic dissatisfaction?! I am a victim of gross consumerism. Sex and love are commodities and my appetites are insatiable. ‘Tis the sad reality of my life.
Can I ever completely move on and find someone new if I am still “surf and turfing” with my ex.
Can I really sacrifice incredible sex and connection for the unknown?
Or should I re-enter the relationship, with that lingering longing for something better?
I guess logically if your always searching for something better you will never find it. Although it’s easy to acknowledge how do you extinguish those thoughts and desires? Practice? Therapy? or am I lost cause?
I just want to freeze half of the cake and eat the other half, slowly savoring of course.
Moving on to topic 2.
Circa sophomore year of high school, picture this, honors math (yawn) an olive toned, bright smiled, dazzling long raven haired (upper class-man) Jewish boy strolls in. Completely unaware of the frenzied effect his tie-die shirt was having on my soul, I sat their in awe and full captivated curiosity. During the course of the year, we chatted exchanged CDs, were partners on in-class assignments *swoon*, there was mutual interest! To my astonishment he thought I was pretty, and what did I do nothing, and before you know it I’m out of the math class (due to an undisclosed scandal) and BOOM before the semester ended he vanished. POOF gone, dropped out!
Due to mid-pubesent insecurities and complete fear of not knowing what to do with a boy who actually reciprocates feelings, I missed my chance to explore this connection/infatuation/lust….devastated you move on, because lets face it there are other fish. However, with the advent of Facebook, a global fishbowl I saw to it to cast my pole and search for this missed fish.
So after to much scrolling and only a faint recollection of what his last name would be I found him. Still olive toned, still bright smiled, still dazzling! With less hair :-(, but thats an aging tragedy… anywho, His vibrant soul radiated through every photo, through every smile, every stare, every adventure, and boy has he adventured! Living the life I’m too frightened to live. But as twisted fate would have it, parked next to him in many photos ( too many not reason that its not a lover) he has an F-ing girlfriend! Granted he’s halfway across the world and the chances of us meeting again are slim, a girl can still dream.
Anyway, the dilemma lies in whether or not I send a message or a poke acknowledging that I remember you. Let’s face it he might not remember me because he’s experienced so much living. Also, it’s not like anything would come of my message, right? So I want to send the message. It would be an ego boost for him really, a “Hey, you’re unforgettable, just so you know, Ciao Ciao!”
Hmmm, but if he asks “who are you freak?” or the inevitable and unfortunate question “What have you been up to?” I would be crushed (because I have accomplished little to nothing of what I wanted for myself).
Maybe I will send the message with no expectations, prepared for the worst but hoping for nothing? We shall see.
